Something for the Weakened

Bob Carolgees will make candles for you. .

FACT!

My heart splinters and cracks like a teenage boy’s voice as he reads his turgid poetry aloud to the one he loves who will never reciprocate. Stomach churning, head spinning, I wander out into the rain, imagining the drops will mingle with the tears I want to cry but know will never come. Because I know its all my fault. That I never said anything when I could have said so much, my pathetic cowardice getting the better of me as each and every opportunity swam past me and into the past.

“Christ, that’s depressing.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be okay.”

“Is there any more of it?”

“Well I was going to write more, really pour my heart out to her, you know?”

“Sure.”

“But then I looked out the window and saw Jean Paul Sartre getting hit by a bus. Cheered me right up, so it did. Besides, I’ve gone off her now.”

Eric Clapton is an unpleasant, bigoted shit (quote in question is about one screen down the article). .

FACT!

Using basic statistics, it is fairly simple to prove that the word ‘pants’ is the funniest word in the English speaking world. The only locales where this is not the case are two of the northern most Shetland Isles. On these two the funniest word is statistically ‘bream’.

FACT!

The International Baccalaureate is named in honour of the Greek God Bacchus. Because of this, those who receive one are also entitled to as much wine as they can consume within a forty-five minute period. Honorary recipients include actress Lauren Bacall, both members of ‘popular’ beat-combo Baccara and the Aga Khan.

FACT!

Afternoon all. I appear to be trying to get back into some sort of daily routine with the site again, which will be great for the both of you reading it. This is the vague plan as it stands – weekdays I’ll try and sling up a Fact of the Day, which will either be something I have learnt during the preceding 24 hours or, as is more likely, something Peter Baynham said on The 99p Challenge a decade ago that I’m shamelessly nicking though not quite passing off as my own. Saturday’s I’m going to try and stick with the very short stories. I’ve got one in the bank already (’twas a dull and lonely night yesterday) so all being well I can least keep it up for another week (Missus). Sunday’s I think I might make a regular day for pointless things that have amused me in this web of worldwidedness. These will more often than not be pinched from Robert Popper’s far more interesting site than mine. So in the spirit of that, please do have a look at this awe inspiring trailer.

Well it inspired awe in me. I’ll also be using this as an opportunity to try and force people to download the 80 minute continuous musical mix what I made. There have been a massive four downloads so far and it’d make me a very happy bunny if that became five (though ideally more). Please do – it took me feckin’ days to put together and you don’t even have to listen to it really. The compilation goes by the name Hid ‘n’ Play and a list of what it contains can be found here. Go on, give it a go. You don’t even have to listen to it. It’ll make me feel better and, with luck, might stop me banging on about the wretched racket.

“Crivens,” cried The Ocarina Player. “That looks like The Banjo Playing Man!”

“Never,” stated Maurice. “The Banjo Playing Man’s much taller than that.”

“The ‘tache looks right,” Old Seth said as he squinted at the figure in the middle distance.

“But that gait . . .” Bryant tailed off airily.

“Never is,” Maurice interjected.

“He is carrying a bajo though, isn’t he?” asked Indecisive Bill.

“Might be a medium sized log,” supposed Blind Trevor.

“BANJO PLAYING MAN!” bellowed The Ocarina Player.

They all stared at the approaching figure, looking for a reaction. None came.

“He’s a bit deaf, isn’t he?” asked Indecisive Bill.

The group sat in silence as the man strode towards them.

“Hi guys,” said the man.

“Is it him?” asked Blind Trevor.

“Wgat do you think?” asked Maurice.

Men seldom make passes at girls made from molasses.

FACT!

Charles Addams once got a free colonoscopy in exchange for a cartoon.

FACT!

Okay then folks, for both of you who don’t already have hard copies, I can now offer you a link to the eighty minutes of music that’s listed a few posts below. The link can be found by clicking on this very link. I might try and upload the artwork for the CD case in the next couple of days, if I can really be bothered. In case the listings dropped off the bottom of the page, what’s contained in the eighty minutes can be found through this here linky. The mix has already been described as “an emotional rollercoaster,” “hard work” and “‘orrible” (by me). Now go download and enjoy (if you can).